What are your thoughts about vaccines? I think every mom wants to ask this question and many more without the fear of being judged by her healthcare provider.

And so rather than just sharing opinions, I would rather come out and share my story instead.

If I felt like I could have addressed this on social media, I probably wouldn’t have written this long-winded article, but given the current climate of topics such as this – I felt that it was important to share my thoughts with those who share a genuine sense of curiosity in questioning the norms.

Let’s backtrack all the way to 2017, at the time I was the type of person fascinated with health and science and liked to “do what the doctor told me.”

But I always carried this sense of doubt when it came to shots because I remember the year I got the flu shot, I subsequently came down with the worst case of the flu I ever had. I thought to myself “that’s not supposed to happen.“

So here I was sitting in my OBGYN office going through my romantic life with someone who spent a total of 10 minutes with me. I had a long-term relationship at the time and was sexually active, so my doctor looked me in the eyes and proceeded to give me a long-winded explanation as to why I needed the HPV vaccine (known as Gardasil).

So I obliged her. She was the expert after all, and I happened to be 19 and scared.

I remember getting the 1st shot and feeling as though something was NOT right afterwards. I then began to get a series of symptoms that could only be explained as a response to this medical procedure, as nothing else in my lifestyle had changed.

I remember my whole body swelled up and I had so much inflammation and water weight, and drinking half a glass of wine and getting extremely sick. The lethargy and brain fog was so severe that I cringe to this day when I think about it.

I would wake up after working out the previous day and be so inflamed and tired that working out became something I dreaded instead of enjoyed.

I kept asking myself “how can someone my age be dealing with such intense symptoms out of nowhere?”

So I decided to go to my doctor and get my blood drawn because something was not right and I made an assumption it was my liver, based on my severe reaction to alcohol.

Without having too much of a health background at that time, I found my instincts were correct and my doctor informed me I had very high liver enzymes. She presented me with a series of options, which I declined.

I had blindly trusted my doctor once, and I felt like I had been failed so I decided I wanted to search for answers myself on how to support my liver.

So I did.

I DID find answers. I was able to change my whole life and reverse all the symptoms I experienced for a whole year with lifestyle changes in sleep, nutrition, and exercise- it was drastic and much needed. But that isn’t what this is about. This is about how my personal experience and the experiences of those around me have shaped my perspective on vaccines.

Later on I also became aware of the countless women who were victims of the Gardasil vaccine. It is one of the most harmful shots on the market to this day.

The amount of lawsuits over this vaccine alone is enough to be a huge red flag.

Right after this, my boss’s child had an emergency right after his 1 year checkup. I remember hearing the story of how this child had gone for a routine checkup (where multiple vaccines were administered) and that night had been the sickest he had ever been in his whole life.

Insanely high fever, diarrhea, and eyes rolling to the back of his head, floating in and out of consciousness.

After this day, his speech progress completely reverted and his ability to walk was stunted, as though his legs had atrophied and he couldn’t get them to do what he wanted. It was extremely bizarre.

I remember the multiple years after this, that his family spent so much time and money to help their son recover using alternative treatments.

I remember the mother sharing she felt incredibly gaslit when she went over the story with other people and healthcare professionals. She felt crazy, but maternal intuition is unmatched and we know when something has gone awry with our baby.

This was just the beginning of many stories I started to hear of routine vaccinations going wrong.

And every single doubt I ever had about the efficacy of vaccinations was turned into a political warfare.

It was not possible to have civil discussions about the risks of this form of “medicine” without being called a quack or gaslit into believing you were going to kill others by not taking this experimental shot that was manufactured and approved in record time.

All ability to have an open-ended scientific discussion on risks was lost. 

Backstory on how I had come to find out about COVID: I had been on a work trip in Las Vegas with a company who made gear for special forces units in the military.

I was surrounded by military personnel with high government clearance. I remember sitting with a group of men at dinner (many of them much older than myself) as they began to discuss this mysterious virus out of China that many of them literally claimed or guessed was a “planned outbreak.”

I will never forget the discussions I had with some of these men for as long as I lived. They were reputable military personnel and clearly knew a lot more than the average American. I had every reason to believe them.

Given my own family’s military operative background, I was no stranger to the fact that governments do not in fact work in the favor of their people.

By this point, the world was shut down and we knew the “magic antidote” was coming. I began to become obsessed and researched deep rabbit holes on how vaccines were made, the clinical trials, how long they take to produce etc.

And after reading all the things I did, I felt strongly against getting coaxed into getting this novel vaccine. I shared all the information with my husband Rodrigo, and he shared all the same sentiments as myself.

Something felt off. 

I never ever made anyone feel bad about their personal choices, never pressured anyone – but received a lot of scrutiny for my personal medical decision. It was an alienating experience that was in danger of putting a wedge between me and others that I never expected because I never expected this from them.

I’m a firm believer in medical freedom and I was genuinely surprised not met with the same respect by others or society at large. In retrospect, given the media campaigns of the time (it’s easy to forget just how bad it was) this should perhaps not have surprised me as much as it did.

In spite of what I was hearing and seeing everywhere I went, I tried to make my own decision.

I learned that the was the fastest vaccine ever to come to market, and that the safety trials were being conducted in an unorthodox fashion.

I learned that since it was an “emergency authorization” that none of the pharmaceutical companies would be liable for any adverse reactions to the drug.

I learned about the novel technology being used in these ‘vaccines’.

I heard hypotheses about the potential risks from individuals I considered well-qualified, people who for having a different opinion were being attacked.

Needless to say, many of these things didn’t sit well with me and so I exercised freedom of choice and did not take part.

At this time there were some people with large platforms questioning the narrative, and I really appreciated that because it made me feel less alone in my choice.

When you become a parent, all you ever want is to do right by your children. So naturally, the conversation ramped up again for me when I began pregnant with our first son.

I picked up the book “Vaccines, Autoimmunity, and the Changing Nature of Childhood Illness” by Thomas Cowan. That book confirmed all of the feelings I had about the WAY in which the US (and many other countries) goes about vaccinations, specifically for children.

Check out the the current schedule (which constantly evolves and can be confimed via the CDC.gov website) versus earlier versions of the schedule:

Just right now, from age 0-18, there are 70+ vaccine doses on the CDC schedule. 

16 of those doses are for COVID, starting at six months of age. For a virus that does not affect children the same way as adults. The fact that TRILLIONS were made off of the COVID shot while the companies held ZERO liability, angers me and leaves me questioning who is making these decisions and why they are making them.

I am NOT Here to Make Medical Decisions for You or Your Family.

I simply wanted to share MY story. I wanted to share the series of events that occurred that led me down the path of the set of beliefs I hold today.

You ultimately have to do your own research for the sake of you and your family. You have to follow your intuition on various health-related matters. Maybe something that was wrong for your family, works for someone else’s family etc.

Needless to say, I’m not here to argue with anyone about their stance on the matter.

But informed consent is important, moreso today than ever before it seems. So my one request of you is that you make sure you are TRULY informed before making these decisions.

If you are curious to learn more or just want to take an open-minded look at other opinions, I can’t provide you with an exhaustive list (this rabbit hole can legitimately go quite deep, particularly with covid) but I can point you to a few resources that might be a good start.

I’d recommend giving the Joe Rogan and RFK podcast a listen, as well as the Dr. Cowan and Ben Greenfield podcast episode, and another Dr. Cowan podcast via ‘The Great Unlearn’.

If you prefer to (and have time to) read, I would recommend Vaccines Autoimmunity, and the Changing Nature of Childhood Illness by Thomas Cowan,
VAX/UNVAX: Let the Science Speak, and Dissolving Illusions: Disease, Vaccines, and The Forgotten History which really helps set some important landscape for where we are today.

If you know of some other useful resources please feel welcome to share them with others in the comments.

Thanks for reading and be well!

Abi